#3 Feeling

I am in the midst of one of the moments where the pressure of the world or the pressure of myself seems to push against every part of my being. Closing my eyes places me under the weight of a rock, a stone, a burden. A burden that I cannot explain. I burden that I remember as a child. It is a sensation that I vaguely know from my dreams. I am not sure if those dreams are from the sub conscience of sleep or of the sub conscience of awake. I know these feelings, but I don't want to feel them. Tonight there was a voice that said feel it. What is this reality of feeling? I don't know but it is almost impossible to breath. Yet, I remember the scent of God that came upon me tonight over dinner. It is usually short and for a moment. Tonight, I smelled that scent over and over again. God, what are you saying? Where are you in this? I am angry. I am angry. I am hurt. I am lonely. I am unsure. I am angry. I am mistrusted. I am lost. There is no one to guide me, teach me or help me. I am on my own. That pisses me off. All the voices say "you are not enough." But if I sit with the feeling, there is an awakening of sensation. I am enough, because God is enough.