Wow. 14 days until I reach a milestone age. I am not sure what it means other than I feel like drinking more wine today. Now that it is July, my 40th is only 14 days away. Yesterday I had this brilliant thought while running that I should blog about what I am unlearning now that I am finishing my 4th decade of life. So much can fall into that category. It feels like deconstruction is the name of the my last few years. But the essence of this deconstruction feels pretty good. It is disheartening and painful but at the core pretty good.
My first unlearning is that life is predetermined. So much of my understanding of my self and the world is that it is predetermined in some form. I am sure that it can be linked somewhat to my "evangelical" life of God's predetermined maneuvering of everything in my life. It also comes from the story of my family history where living the lot given to you is noble and right. Is this life to be predetermined? There is a certain amount of hopelessness that necessarily follows this thought. Why hope if it is already decided, already lived, already written? Hope is a word that is coming to life this year as I live and grow. Hope is a word that does not seem to be congruent with this idea of a predetermined life. There is this strange tension between the cosmic and the human when it comes to life.
All I know right now is that I am enjoying this glass of wine right this very moment. Not much more to predetermine than that.
Cory,
ReplyDeleteI resonate with what you have shared. Thank you.
k